


Portrait Provocateur

by Alisanne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-30 00:19:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15084926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alisanne/pseuds/Alisanne
Summary: Dumbledore remains as meddlesome as ever, even from the grave.





	Portrait Provocateur

**Author's Note:**

> **Challenge:** Written for Harry100's prompt 340: Dumbledore.
> 
> **Beta(s):** Sevfan and Emynn.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.

~

Portrait Provocateur

~

“Good morning, Harry.” 

Harry, padding towards the loo in sleep pants, looked up and smiled. “’Morning, Professor Dumbledore.” 

“Oh, please forget the formalities. After all, we’re in your home.” 

Chuckling, Harry inclined his head. “I suppose so. Although you’ll forgive me if I struggle to call you by your first name.” 

Dumbledore nodded. “I suppose that’s only natural.” He hummed. “Well, I suppose I’d best let you get on with your ablutions. It’s a big day, after all.” 

Harry frowned. “What do you mean?” 

Dumbledore winked. “You’ll see.” 

As he exited his portrait, Harry sighed. Still as inscrutable as ever. 

~

Arriving at the Ministry, Harry made his way to his desk, shaking his head when he saw Ron was late. Again. 

He’d just pulled out some parchment to get started on his overdue reports when a memo flew towards him. “Potter. My office!” it said in Robards’ recognisable voice. 

“Bloody hell, what now?” Harry muttered, getting up to walk towards Robards’ office. 

“Come!” cried Robards when he knocked. 

Walking in, Harry blinked. Seated across from Robards was…Severus Snape? “Director? What’s going on?” 

“Sit, Potter,” said Robards. And, in the portrait behind him, Harry caught a glimpse of Dumbledore winking. 

~

“But I _have_ a partner,” said Harry, eyeing the picture behind Robards. Dumbledore flitted through a corner and smirked before disappearing. 

“I’m aware,” said Robards, tone dry. “But this project’s special. Straight from the top.” 

Harry frowned. “Kingsley?” 

“Higher.” 

Harry blinked. Who the hell was higher than the Minister? “What’s the project?” 

Robards gestured at Snape. “Unspeakable Snape will explain. Dismissed.” 

As they exited Robards’ office, Snape said, “Shall we discuss this in my office?”

“Do I have a choice?” Harry grumbled. 

“Naturally.” Snape smirked. “You can refuse to work with me and accept the consequences.” 

Harry sighed. “Lead on.” 

~

Snape’s office was like a combination of his and Dumbledore’s Hogwarts offices. Harry saw cabinets filled with phials containing preserved memories, jars of mystery ingredients, parchments, and thick tomes. 

“So, what do you think, Potter?” 

Meeting Snape’s gaze defiantly, Harry shrugged. “It’s all right I suppose.” 

Snape smiled tightly. “You can’t imagine how relieved I am to hear it meets your approval. Now, if we can get to work—”

Clasping his hands behind his back, Harry nodded crisply. “Proceed.” 

As Snape outlined their project, Harry watched the man. He was…different. Sexy. Harry blinked. Wait, what?

“…clear?” 

Harry coughed. “Sure.” 

~

“Wait, so you don’t know what the project is?” 

Harry groaned. “I couldn’t very well admit I hadn’t heard a word after I agreed to it, could I?”

Ron rolled his eyes. “Only you, mate.” 

“Hey, Hermione.” Harry coughed. “You’re an Unspeakable—”

“Not a chance,” said Hermione. “We all have individual projects. Just because we work in the same department doesn’t mean I’ve a clue what Snape’s assignments are.” 

“Damn.” Harry knocked back the glass of wine Hermione’d just poured for him. “What am I going to do?” 

“Come clean?” suggested Hermione.

Ron snorted. “As if! You need a spy.” 

~

It wasn’t until he got home that Harry remembered he _did_ have a potential spy available.

“I’d love to help you, my boy,” said Dumbledore. “What do you need?” 

Harry smiled. “You obviously knew this assignment with Snape was coming, yes?”

“I had an inkling.” 

“Did you happen to listen while he was explaining it to me?” 

Dumbledore pursed his lips. “Possibly.” 

“Brilliant!” said Harry. “Care to tell me about it?”

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying you _weren’t_ listening? Were you…distracted?” 

Harry sighed. “Can you help me or not, sir?”

“Of course. Give me just a moment.” 

~

Dumbledore sat, a thoughtful look on his face. “I’m trying to recall all Severus’ conversations over the past few days.” 

Harry nodded. “Okay.” 

“There was the bit about potion samples…but that wasn’t it. Perhaps it was the one about underpants? No…not that.” 

“Underpants?” Harry raised an eyebrow. “You overheard a conversation about underpants?” 

“Yes, that was him and Lucius debating modern versus traditional wizarding garb, which is to remain naked under one’s robes. Severus is such a traditionalist.” 

“He…is?” wheezed Harry, the visuals accompanying that thought making him oddly faint. Was he sick?

“Most definitely.” Dumbledore smiled. 

~

“Everything all right, Harry?” 

Harry cleared his throat. “Fine. Anything else you remember?” 

“Hm. Just Severus—” Dumbledore paused. “Actually, never mind.” 

“No, wait!” protested Harry. “What is it?” 

Dumbledore sighed. “Severus has bad dreams. I overheard him moaning.” He shook his head. “I can only imagine how upsetting they must be.” 

Harry sighed. “Yeah, I’ve had my share of those.” 

“I’m sure.” Dumbledore rose. “Well, I must be going. I promised Minerva I’d sit in on her interview for the new Charms professor.” 

“But what about my assignment?” 

Dumbledore winked. “Ask him. I suspect he’ll be happy to explain again.” 

~

Harry wasn’t sure how _happy_ Snape would be to know he’d been daydreaming during his briefing, but, out of options, he reported to Snape’s office the next morning to confess and accept the inevitable lecture. 

Knocking softly, Harry heard a moan, recalling Dumbledore’s words. Was Snape having another nightmare?

Opening the door, Harry entered, approaching Snape’s desk. 

“Ohhh,” moaned Snape, his tone of voice making heat curl inside Harry. “Fuuuuuuck.” 

Harry’s mouth fell open when he saw Snape, his robes parted to reveal himself, fisting an impressive cock. Just then, Snape opened his eyes, stared straight at Harry, and came. 

~

“Shit,” whispered Harry. 

Standing up, his robes open, Snape stalked towards Harry, robes swirling around him. “What are you doing here? How much did you hear?” 

Harry’s mouth worked but he couldn’t speak, not with Snape’s cock _right there_. 

“Spit it out!” Snape hissed. 

Harry coughed. “Dumbledore—”

Snape snorted, turning to scowl at a painting on the wall. “That meddling— Albus! You told him, didn’t you?” 

“Told me what?” asked Harry. 

Dumbledore ambled into the picture. “Oh my, Severus! You’re certainly…talented, aren’t you?” 

“You told Potter I fancied him despite my swearing you to secrecy, didn’t you?” shouted Snape.

~

Harry gaped at Snape’s back. “You…fancy me?” 

Snape spun, facing Harry. “Don’t act surprised! You said—”

“I said ‘Dumbledore’. You’re the one who assumed he told me…that.” 

“Salazar,” Snape groaned. 

“Well,” said Dumbledore, “I’ll be going—”

There was a long moment of silence. “If you wish to be reassigned, Potter—”

Harry exhaled. “Actually, that’s the last thing I want.” 

“What do you want?” 

Harry moved closer. “To know how well you can use your…impressive wand.” 

Snape’s eyes narrowed. “Are you mocking me?” 

Harry gestured at the bulge in his trousers. “Do this look like mockery?” 

Snape smirked. 

~

“Fuck,” Harry groaned as Snape’s cock split him in two. 

“Trying,” panted Snape, rocking in and out of Harry’s arse. 

Clutching Snape’s desk, Harry howled as Snape’s thrusts sped up, their force lifting him off his feet. With his body between the desk’s hard wood and _Snape’s_ , Harry was helpless, all he could do was take Snape’s pounding. 

Finally, untouched, Harry’s cock spilled across Snape’s desk. Moments later, Snape came, too, grinding himself against Harry. 

Behind them, there was applause. Snape huffed. “I’m hexing that bloody portrait.” 

Harry smiled. As far as he was concerned, Dumbledore had earned his keep.

~


End file.
